You Shouldn't Let A Fly Come Between You: A Story of Restoration and the Lesson of Forgiveness

Chapter 1 - Christian Forgiveness

The Story

[This is a true story, but the names of the students in this story have been changed so that none of these events can be traced back to them. Some of the dialogue has also been slightly changed for artistic purposes.]

One day, while working at Salem Ranch, I walked from the school building to Clinton Cottage, where the students lived, to talk with one of the students that I was counseling. On my way there, I ran into Jeffrey, another student, who was skateboarding in the cul-de-sac in front of the cottage. Jeffrey promptly asked me if he would be allowed to move into a different room.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I'm tired of Thomas playing rude jokes on me, and I don't want to be his roommate any more," said Jeffrey.

"But Thomas is your friend. What happened?"

"Thomas put a fly in my mouth, and I swallowed it."

"Well, you shouldn't let a fly come between you and Thomas. You're a good friend to Thomas, and Thomas is a good friend to you. You need to talk with him and work this out."

"Okay, but can I move into a different room?"

"Absolutely not!" I said.

Jeffrey frowned.

I continued, "Not until you make an effort to make this right with Thomas. Thomas is a good friend. He needs you, and you need him, and you shouldn't let a fly come between you." I left Jeffrey and walked inside, where I saw Thomas sitting on the couch.

"Thomas, I need to talk with you. Let's go outside," I said. Thomas got up and followed me through the dining room to the sliding glass door. I opened the door, and we stepped outside onto the back porch.

"Thomas, Jeffrey is upset with you. I heard you put a fly in his mouth."

"I did not put a fly in his mouth."

"He said you did."

"I did not put a fly in his mouth."

"What happened? Why does he want to move into a different room?"

"Derek was holding his hands over Jeffrey's eyes. I walked up and put my hand up under his chin like this." Thomas demonstrated what he had done. "He said I put a fly in his mouth," said Thomas.

"Thomas, you shouldn't let a fly come between you and Jeffrey. You're a good friend to Jeffrey, and Jeffrey is a good friend to you. If he thinks you put a fly in his mouth, I would say something like this: 'Jeffrey, I was not aware of putting a fly in your mouth, but if I did, I'm sorry.' You need to work this out with Jeffrey.

"Okay," said Thomas, "But I think Jeffrey lied to get me into trouble."

"Okay, Thomas. Come with me."

Thomas followed me back inside, through the dining room, through the living room and back out the front door. Jeffrey was still skating in the cul-de-sac.

"Come with us, Jeffrey," I said.

Jeffrey followed me across the parking lot on his skateboard. Thomas followed behind on a strange skateboard with only two wheels. We walked inside the school building, down the hallway, past the bathrooms, and into the family meeting room. Brent, the executive director was in his adjoining office, and his door was opened. I asked him if I could shut his door while Jeffrey, Thomas, and I talked privately. He agreed, and the three of us sat down in nice sofa chairs around a small, round coffee table. Jeffrey was on my right, and Thomas was seated directly in front of me. I looked at Thomas, and I looked at Jeffrey.

"When men have a problem, they talk and work it out," I said. "They don't say, 'I don't want to be around you anymore,' like immature little girls. So let's talk about this 'cause you shouldn't let a fly come between you. Jeffrey, why are you upset with Thomas?"

"Because he put a fly in my mouth."

"I did not put a fly in your mouth," said Thomas.

"Jeffrey, how do you know Thomas put a fly in your mouth?" I said. Did you see him do it?"

"No, but Derek said he did, and I felt something go down my throat, and I swallowed it."

I suddenly began singing, "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. I guess she'll die."

Jeffrey recognized the words to the popular old children's song and started laughing. I continued, "There was an old lady who swallowed a spider. It wriggled, and wiggled, and tickled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly, but I don't know why she swallowed the fly. I guess she'll die."

Jeffrey laughed and even Thomas seemed intrigued by the silly old song though he was not familiar with it.

"Jeffrey, has Thomas ever lied to you before?" I asked.

"No."

"Has Thomas ever done mean things to you before?"

"No."

"Has Derek ever lied to you before?"

"Yes."

"Has Derek ever done mean things to you before?"

"Yes."

"Why would Thomas lie to you now? And why would you believe Derek's word over Thomas's when Thomas has never lied to you and Derek has? You are a good friend to Thomas, and Thomas is a good friend to you, and you shouldn't let a fly come between you."

"But I felt it go down my throat."

"Are you sure it wasn't Derek?"

"Derek had both of his hands over my eyes. He couldn't have put it in my mouth."

"Are you sure it wasn't someone else?"

"No one else was around."

"How do you know it was a fly and not something else?"

"Thomas was catching flies, and Derek said he put a fly in my mouth."

"I was catching flies earlier, but I did not put a fly in your mouth," said Thomas.

"Well maybe it wasn't a fly," I said. "Did you put something else in Jeffrey's mouth, Thomas?"

"I did not put anything in Jeffrey's mouth."

"Well maybe something fell from the ceiling, or maybe someone spit something in your mouth, Jeffrey. Whatever happened, you shouldn't let a fly come between you," I replied.

"Thomas was catching flies. He touched me, and something went into my mouth, and I swallowed it. And Derek said that Thomas put a fly in my mouth," said Jeffrey.

"Thomas, did you put a fly in Jeffrey's mouth?" I asked.

"I did not put a fly in his mouth."

"Did you put anything in his mouth."

"I did not put anything in his mouth."

"Well, Thomas, I would apologize if I were you because you are a good friend to Jeffrey and Jeffrey is a good friend to you. You need him, and he needs you, and you shouldn't let a fly come between you."

"Jeffrey, I am sorry if I put a fly in your mouth," said Thomas.

"That's okay, Thomas," said Jeffrey.

We left the family meeting room, and Jeffrey and Thomas followed me down the hallway, past the bathrooms, and back outside. We walked across the parking lot into the cul-de-sac, and there I saw Derek shooting the basketball into one of the two basketball goals in the cul-de-sac. Derek turned around and greeted me as I approached. Thomas and Jeffrey continued to skate while I spoke with Derek.

"Are you causing trouble between Jeffrey and Thomas?"

"No," Derek replied.

"Did you tell Jeffrey that Thomas put a fly in his mouth?"

"No, I didn't."

"Jeffrey said that you did."

Derek turned toward Jeffrey, who was skating several yards away, and yelled, "Jeffrey that's bologna! I didn't tell you that Thomas put a fly in your mouth! Leave me out of it, and keep your mouth shut!"

Jeffrey walked over. "You said in the hallway that Thomas put a fly in my mouth."

"That's because you said it first. You're the one who said he put the fly in your mouth."
Jeffrey walked away.

"Derek, did you see Thomas put a fly in Jeffrey's mouth?" I asked.

"Thomas was catching flies. Then he walked up to Jeffrey and put his hand close to his mouth."

Thomas walked up. "I did not put a fly in his mouth."

"No, wait!" Derek replied. "He put his hand under Jeffrey's chin like this." Derek demonstrated what Thomas had done--the very thing that Thomas himself had said he had done when I first spoke with him.

"Derek, did you see a fly in Thomas' hand?" I asked.

"No."

"Did you see a fly go into Jeffrey's mouth?"

"No."

"Tell Jeffrey what you just said!" I instructed. "Hey Jeffrey come here!" I yelled.

Jeffrey walked up.

"Derek, did you see a fly in Thomas' hand?" I asked.

"No."

"Did you see a fly go into Jeffrey's mouth?"

"No, Thomas put his hand under Jeffrey's chin like this." Derek again demonstrated what Thomas had done so that Jeffrey could see.

I looked at Jeffrey and Thomas. "See guys. Don't let a fly come between you!"

Everyone seemed content to leave it at that, but as far as Jeffrey goes, "I don't know why he swallowed that fly. I guess he'll die."

The Lesson

Letting a fly ruin a friendship might seems ridiculous to adults, but how often do we hold grudges over things that do not amount to anything more than a fly? "Flies" are known to separate the best of friends. Anger and bitterness can easily find their way into our hearts over trifling matters and can quickly take root and grow in us. Paul described unresolved anger as a place or territory we give to the devil from which he can gain ground in our lives (Ephesians 4:27). To prevent this from happening, we must confront anger and the seeds of bitterness in our hearts on a daily basis. This need to tackle anger promptly before it gets out of hand is the reason Paul says in Ephesians 4:26, "Do not let the sun go down on your wrath" (NKJV). Furthermore, this is why Jesus included "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors" in the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:12). While we are praying daily, asking the Father to forgive our sins, we should be reminded to consider whether we have forgiven others, as we should.